Weezy's Fun Zone

Save 50% at McDonald's

2011-12-01T17:42:00.001-08:00

Want to save 50% at McDonald's?

Then check out this deal: Save 50% at McDonald's

or go to this link:

https://share.livingsocial.com/deals/190802?ref=conf-jp&rpi=38783784

But you have to hurry, this deal will expire soon.

2011-11-27T12:32:00.000-08:00

Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls.

Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.

A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet.

I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split-second and flew off happily.
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear something? "

No" said the InvisibleMan, "but my ass hurts like hell.. !!

Who Needs the Stork?

2011-11-25T14:25:00.001-08:00

Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers,
Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There, your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
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You've Got Male!!!

pintrest

2011-11-12T11:30:00.000-08:00

I appreciate the guest post, Lindsay Valdez

I visited get.wildblue.com/ and finally decided that it was time for us to get satellite internet. We live so far out that hard wired internet isn’t an option for us. Since we have gotten it, I learned about this great new website from my friends that I have been staying in touch with through e-mail. The website is called Pintrest.com. It is basically a virtual bulletin board. You can create a themed board and your friends ( or anyone) can follow you. You can also follow other people’s boards. It is really easy to pin things from the internet onto your pin board. I have created a couple of different categories on mine. I made one called “my future home”. I pin things that I see on the internet that I am interested in possibly incorporating in a home that I have one day. It’s a great way to keep things together rather than having to pull things out of a magazine and paste them into a notebook.

Death of an ICON

2011-10-27T21:03:00.001-07:00

> Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
> community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
> and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
>
> Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
> turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
> Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
> Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
>
> Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described the Doughboy as
> a man who never knew how much he was kneaded Doughboy rose quickly in
> show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
> considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
> schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still a crusty
> old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
>
> Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough
> and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by
> his elderly father, Pop Tart.
>
> The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
>
> If this made you smile even for a brief second, please rise to the
> occasion and take the time to pass it on and share that smile with
> someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.

The Ice Cream Store

2011-07-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

Contributed by Milford Woods

We opened up our ice cream store about three years ago in downtown Abilene and business has been totally great so far, especially in summer! Obviously in wintertime there’s nothing good about ice creams so we’ve even been talking about getting together some sort of hot chocolate bar that could compensate for the lack of business. It’s tough maintaining the store in the summer with all the people in and out and the door constantly being open really lets out the air. We went to www.SHOPelectricityRATESTEXAS.com and that’s helped keep the rates down but we’re even talking about installing a revolving door to make it easier to heat and cool the place! There are so many things you learn about business when you open one for yourself that you don’t know otherwise and it’s the kind of stuff you can’t really get from books.

Happily Ever After

2010-03-09T21:50:00.000-08:00

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar.... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your goddamn frozen mug and eat your mother fucking snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere! Got it, asshole?'

And, they lived happily ever after.

Computer infected with a virus

2009-07-24T22:51:00.001-07:00

I haven't been keeping up to date with my blogs because I'm trying to fight of a computer virus. I think I might have isolated it but I won't know for sure until I completely remove it and reboot my computer. I'm scanning it right now, and I hope this will solve the problem.

Apparently I didn't have one of the patches installed on my computer and I think that's what made it vulnerable to the virus.

I'll keep you updated as I try to fix it.

She gives Casual Friday a whole new meaning

2009-07-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

Traffic Camera

2009-07-03T10:31:00.001-07:00

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Thriller Wedding Video in honor of the late Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T23:04:00.001-07:00

Here's a funny little wedding video in honor of the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson.

Disney's Desperate Housewives

2009-06-18T12:05:00.001-07:00

A Nice Day at the Beach

2009-06-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his penis.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

Babies Know...

2009-06-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

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Still Together After 50 Years of Marriage...

2009-06-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know,
honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

Guts or Balls...

2009-05-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

Guts or Balls...

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Summer Grilling Tip

2009-05-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

As every Southerner knows, come spring it will be time to get ready for that all-important cooking technique of the south --- outdoor grilling!

I have just found out there are several stores (not just in the South) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q grill! You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

A&P
Albertsons
Costco
Dan's
Food Lion
Fry's
Home Depot
Big Lots
Brookshire's
Lowes
Publix
Safeway
Sam's Club
Target
Vons
Trader Joe's

Wal-Mart

Winn-Dixie

I especially like the higher rack -- which can be used for keeping things warm!

Just make sure to get a metal one... the plastic ones don't do so well.

Ya'll enjoy now!

A Little Request...

2009-05-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

A Little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the
President. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a
$5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which
read:

Dear God:

Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C.
and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes.

George and God

2009-05-23T11:10:00.000-07:00

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with
normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are
you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'

George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so
he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes
off.' 'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' he says,
'George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his
relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and
poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof!
the light goes off?'

'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!'

Just Couldn't hold it anymore...

2009-05-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

I took this one myself, at the San Diego Zoo.

Look close, or you'll miss it.

(...the bear's pissing)

Nun Joke

2009-05-18T21:30:00.001-07:00

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'

'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of Chardonnay.'

Baby playing with balloon

2009-05-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

Is this baby laughing or crying because his parents keep kicking him in the face with a balloon? Either way it's funny, so enjoy...

Daddy Ate My Fingers

2009-05-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

This will make you smile!

This one is for everyone who...
a) has kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) knows a kid
e) is going to have kids.
I guess that means all of us!!

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said,
'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,'
pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied,
'What happened to my booger?'

Laughing Babies always make me laugh too

2009-05-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Blog Remodeling

2009-05-13T23:13:00.000-07:00

I've almost got it. I'm still not sure about the colors though. I like the Yellow and Purple, but I think it's too much of the same colors.

I'll have to sleep on it.

My Colonscopy

2009-05-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood,
"Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach,
Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs,
"because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly,
the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss..

The Moral of the story?
The ASSHOLE is usually in charge.

Rectum Stretcher

2009-05-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah?," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge."

Traffic Ticket: $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face: PRICELESS

Still working on my blog layout

2009-05-11T23:29:00.000-07:00

I'm still working on the blog. I'm trying different colors and images. If there are any that you like/dislike please feel free to leave a comment.
Thanks in advance.

Adding Blog to Entrecard, not yet, still need 3 more posts

2009-05-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

I was going to add this blog to Entrecard, since I'm trying to relaunch it, and according to their rules there has to be at least 5 posts within the past 3 months. Well obviously that's not the case with this "new" version of Weezy's Fun Zone. So I guess I have to wait until I write 5 "quality" posts, whatever that means. Who's to say what's quality and what's not? There are so many blogs out there that are 99% crap, and maybe 1% quality, how do they all end up on Entrecard?

Nevertheless, I will wait until I have 5 posts, then I will attempt to add this blog to Entrecard, and we'll see what happens.

Stay tuned for more fun yet to come!

Blog remodel in progress - Stay tuned for more info...

2009-05-10T23:48:00.001-07:00

Please pardon the dust, while I remodel this blog.

I am attempting to revive the Fun Zone so I will be posting more jokes, funny stories, and pictures soon.

Thank you for your patience.

Never, never, never, never, ever...

2008-10-27T21:47:00.000-07:00

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

EVER...

...fart in a wet suit!

Genealogy

2008-07-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and
said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said
they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about
his.

How I spent my weekend...

2008-07-06T17:36:00.000-07:00

True' Friendship None of that Sissy Crap

2008-07-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,
But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card--
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry #^&*@!% who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag you about it every chance I get until you're Not.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsiness but I'll help you up.
9. This is my oath, I pledge it to the end. 'Why?'
'because you are my friend'.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth.

Life Mathematics

2008-06-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________ _________ _________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
____________ _________ ________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
____________ _________ ________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________ _________ ________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
____________ _________ _________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.
____________ _________ _________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
____________ _________ ________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
____________ _________ ________

This one's my Favorite:

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Frightening Photos

2008-06-26T22:43:00.001-07:00

Play Bingo online at BingoSuite.com

2008-06-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

Here's another site for all you Bingo fans out there. Your 5 Star Online Bingo Suite offers free bingo, or play for prizes bingo. Cards cost as little as 5 cents each so it's really affordable. Plus you'll get 150% Bonus on your first deposit, and more with the 2nd and 3rd deposit. With there online chat rooms, they can claim, 'We've Got Room for You', so why not check them out. Chat with other Bingo players and develop your own online Bingo social network of friends.

There's also BingoHouse.com where 'Our House is Your House'. They also have free Bingo, and a chance to win prizes. They have a variety of games, and cards starting at just 10 cents.

To read up on the world of Bingo check out these 2 sites, InternetBingoBlog.com and BingoLingo.com. The blog reports on both online and land based bingo halls. BingoLingo reports mostly on internet bingo, News, Reviews, Bonuses and Promotions at the various bingo sites.

Chris Farley Reincarnated???

2008-06-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

Leaving for Las Vegas yet Again

2008-06-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for Vegas tomorrow, bright and early, at 5am, so I won't be writing for a few days. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures to show you on my other blog, Weezy's 2 Cents, and I'll let you know if I win any money.

Wish me luck!

Yipeeeee! It's Friday!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

A Spy Among Us???

2008-05-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

Looking for a job?

2008-05-19T21:54:00.000-07:00

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.
I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of
your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You
will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a
two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is
$200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're Bullshittin' me!

The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well.. You started it."

It's Monday. Time to go to Work!

2008-05-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

Get Paid $$$ to Share your Pictures

Mac Users - Play Poker Online, Find Links & Reviews

2008-04-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

This blog is all about having fun, so if you're like me, you like to play games online, especially poker. If you're a Macintosh user, it may be difficult to find online poker sites that cater to your needs. Mac Poker makes finding these sites a lot easier. The site is very clear, and easy to navigate, and looks very professional.

I especially like the way Mac Poker rates the online poker sites like Full Tilt Poker and Poker Stars. There's an overall rating, plus individual ratings for different aspects of the sites, like Customer Service, Layout, and Deposit Bonuses.

If you're looking for sites with the best bonuses check their Online Casino Bonuses, which also offers reviews and bonus codes to get you started.

So if you want to have fun playing online poker with your Mac, be sure to check out Mac Poker Online.

Earth Day -- April 22, Recycle something!

2008-04-22T23:19:00.000-07:00

So today is April 22, Earth Day. I hope all of you went about your day as you always do... Recycling, conserving water and energy, and teaching all your friends and family to do the same. Because if we all did our part to help the environment, there wouldn't really be a need to celebrate Earth Day. We would celebrate the Earth each and every day because we care so much about it...we couldn't keep the celebrating to just one day. It would be a part of our everyday life.

If we all made protecting our environment a priority in our lives, there would be less pollution, less waste, more time for us to enjoy the beauty of nature. So please consider what you can do to help clean up our planet, no matter how small an effort you make, be proud of the fact that you tried, and that in some small way you are making a difference. And every little bit helps!

Warning! Do Not Eat Chocolate!

2008-04-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

We were raised on chocolate as kids and even into adulthood. I will never eat it again. I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.
This is what happens when you eat chocolate! This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about.
It could happen to you......or them.
See below!
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Chocolate can cause small feet!!

Warn everyone

The New Trend in Nipple Rings?

2008-04-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

Reading Sheet Music

2008-03-21T10:52:00.000-07:00

Little Vito on Grammar

2008-03-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice correctly.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it"

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautiful." She said, "Excellent, Michael!"

Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Vito. He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

Secrets For A Long Life

2008-02-13T15:29:00.000-08:00

One day I saw an old lady sitting on her front step, so I walked up to her and said,

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint.

Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food.

On weekends I pop pills, and never do any exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing!" I told her. Then I asked, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-four," she replied

Cute Little Kitty

2008-01-21T17:22:00.000-08:00

Stress Test

2008-01-01T15:28:00.000-08:00

I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate.
The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington .
Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress will find many differences between the two dolphins .

The more differences a person finds, the more stress that person is experiencing.

Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may need to take a vacation.
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No Need to Reply, I'll be on Vacation

Never take life seriously...and try to have more fun!

Christmas Tree?

2007-11-25T15:37:00.000-08:00

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how manykinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son,there are three kinds of Breasts. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are likemelons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, stillnice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'. 'Onions?' 'Yes,you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, howmany kinds of 'willies' are there?' The mother, surprised, smiles andanswers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, hiswilly is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it islike a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like aChristmas tree'. 'A Christmas tree?''Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.

Men are Pigs, but Dogs are Worse!!!

2007-11-12T17:43:00.000-08:00

...now I've seen everything!!

Air Conditioning Repair

2007-10-23T23:55:00.000-07:00

When the man at the auto repair shop told me that it would cost $1400 to fix my car's air conditioning, I just laughed at him and said, "I can fix it myself for a whole lot less than that!"

MY MOMMA DIDN'T RAISE NO FOOL !!!!!!!

A true story

2007-10-08T16:07:00.000-07:00

 For anyone who didn't see the episode of David Letterman's show where This story was told, Read this: (And remember it's a true story.)

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of Quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the  Hotel dining room.
But first she wanted to stash the Quarters in her room.
I'll be right back and we'll go to eat" she told her husband and carried The coin-laden bucket to the elevator.
As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already Aboard.
Both were black. One of them was very tall and had an intimidating figure.
The woman froze. Her first thought was: 'These two are going to robme.'
Her next thought was: 'Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly  nice Gentlemen.' But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear  immobilized Her.
Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator Doors as they closed.
A second passed, and then another second, and then another.
Her fear increased!
The elevator didn't move.
Panic consumed her.
'My God' she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!
Her heart plummeted.
Perspiration poured from every pore.
Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor."
Instinct told her to do what they told her.
The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and  Collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her.
'Take my money and spare me', she prayed.
More seconds passed.
She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us What floor you're going to, we'll push the button."
The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out.
He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.
The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men.
They reached down to help her up.
Confused, she struggled to her feet. "When I told my friend here to  hit The floor," said the average sized one, I meant that he should  hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean For you to hit  the floor, ma'am."
He spoke genially.
He bit his lip.
It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.
The woman thought: 'My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself.'
She was too humiliated to speak.
The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket.
When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking  her To her room..
She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she  might Not make it down the corridor.
At her door they bid her a good evening.
As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with  laughter As they walked back to the elevator.
The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.
The next morning flowers were delivered to her room; a dozen roses.
Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred-dollar bill.
The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."
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  It was signed; Eddie Murphy & Michael Jordan.

Stop the abuse

2007-09-27T17:07:00.001-07:00

There are many forms of abuse out there, and since today is bloggers against abuse day, I thought I'd focus on abuse against the earth and our environment.

There are many ways to help the environment, many of which are simple, and can help you save money.

One easy way is to change your light bulbs to the energy efficient bulbs that last longer and use less energy.
Another way is to increase the temperature that your air conditioner thermostat is set. Use ceiling fans, or upright floor fans to circulate the air, and keep you cool.
Also, try to carpool, walk, or ride your bike to work, or any where else close to you. It's good exercise for you and an easy way to reduce smog and keep our air clean.
And at the grocery store please use those reusable cloth bags instead of the plastic or paper ones. But if you must use their bags, take the plastic ones, & then bring them back to the store to be recycled. This will save energy and trash.
And finally, please recycle any and all containers or materials you can. The easiest ones are plastic, glass, and aluminum - plastic bottles & shopping bags, glass bottles & jars, and aluminum cans. By doing this you can reduce the amount of trash that goes into our landfills (which will eventually become full and we'll have no place to put our trash). And you can save energy because recycling an old bottle or can into a new one uses less energy than creating a new one from scratch. Less energy spent means less oil burned, which means less smog released into the environment, and cleaner air for us all to breath.

To start out, try to do at least one environmentally friendly thing each week, then try to increase to 3 or more things each week. And get your friends and family involved to help spread the word. The more people know how they can help, and how easy it is, the more we can all make a difference. It's all a cycle and everything even one of us does, will affect someone else around you (whether it's good or bad).

Built Ford Tough

2007-09-24T15:31:00.000-07:00

Helping the United States of America

2007-09-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

One night, President Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.

Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.

"Go to the theatre."

Welcome to Hell!

2007-09-05T21:24:00.000-07:00

Funny Videos

A Blonde with a Gun

2007-08-30T23:27:00.000-07:00

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

Alien Baby!!!!

2007-08-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

Great Hosting Site, Check it out!

2007-08-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

You'll be unhappy you picked them!

Sperm Count

2007-08-15T23:25:00.000-07:00

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: “Well, doc, it’s like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezing’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open.”

SUPER KITTY!!!

2007-08-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

Little Vito on Grammer

2007-08-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

Little Vito was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, VITO, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Vito, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

Ashwin's Blog Extravaganza Contest - WIN $2500

2007-08-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

There's a contest going on over at Ashwin's blog. You could win $2500 just for entering. It's easy to enter, just copy and paste the following in your blog:

Over at Ashwin’s blog, you will find one crazy blog owner!! You can win $2500!! To enter just copy this text and paste it in your blog!! But hurry, this competition will not last long! So get posting!

For more info. check out the posting at Ashwin's Blog Extravaganza

Contest ends Aug. 20 and the money will be paid out via PayPal

If you do not have a PayPal account, sign up here using the following link: PAYPAL

That's Gotta Hurt!

2007-08-05T17:00:00.000-07:00

Mickey & Minnie

2007-08-03T20:42:00.000-07:00

Mickey & Minnie.

They make a cute couple, don't they?

50 Wonderful Years of Marriage

2007-07-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know,honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

New Nike Ad

2007-07-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

Stay Fresh

2007-07-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Husband Wanted

2007-07-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married
again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He
had no arms or legs. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?"
the widow said. "Just look at you! You have no legs!" The old gentleman
smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "You! don't have any arms
either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never
beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in
bed??" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the
door bell, didn't I?"

Hamster Workout!

2007-07-22T19:01:00.001-07:00

998...

999...
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1,000!

Next...

Sit Ups!

Only in America...

2007-07-20T22:21:00.000-07:00

ONLY IN AMERICA:
Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America .....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Got an Iron?

2007-07-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

I just love chubby babies.

They're so cute!

Little Vito On English

2007-07-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

Little Vito goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today, we are going to learn multi-syllable words, Class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Little Vito says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Little Vito, that's a mouthful." To which Little Vito replies, "No, Miss Rogers. You're thinking of a blow-job."

Baby Pisses on Bush

2007-07-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that's not the first time Bush has gotten pissed on.

Caught in the act!

2007-07-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's just one of those days...

2007-07-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

Who Cut the Cheese?

2007-07-08T22:15:00.001-07:00

Please forgive me ma'am

2007-07-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast; I know you'll forgive me." She replied, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

Hungry Baby!

2007-06-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

Colonoscopy

2007-06-28T23:29:00.000-07:00

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain,

"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood,
"Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach,
Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs,
"because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days,

the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,

the legs got wobbly,

the eyes got watery,

and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss..

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people...who gives a Shit!

A Beer Before it Starts

2007-06-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

More from Little Vito

2007-06-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

LITTLE VITO ON MORE MATH
Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" in arithmetic. "Why?" asks Little Vito's father? "The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'?. I said '6," replies Little Vito. "But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks Little Vito's father.. "That's what I said!"

How to Cure a Sore Throat

2007-06-17T21:56:00.002-07:00

A Cute Little Story

2007-06-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Rosie Hussein

2007-06-08T22:04:00.000-07:00

Need I say more?

Just couldn't hold it anymore

2007-06-04T13:14:00.000-07:00

Look close, or you'll miss it.

(...the bear's pissing)

Little Vito (part 1 of many)

2007-06-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

LITTLE VITO ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little Vito. He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

Mission Impossible 3

2007-05-28T22:20:00.001-07:00

Mission Impossible 2

2007-05-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

Mission Impossible 1

2007-05-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

Stoner Baby

2007-05-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

Farm Kids

2007-05-26T22:56:00.000-07:00

A cattle rancher was in his barn trying to assist one of his cows giving birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son standing pie-eyed, watching the whole event.

The man thought, "Great... he's 5 and I'm now going to have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll try and answer."

When everything was over, the Dad strolled over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Well just one, Dad" gasped the lad, with his eyes still like saucers. "Just how fast was that calf going when it ran into the cows' ass?"

I'll Start with a funny picture of a cute little baby

2007-05-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

I absolutely LOVE babies, so any cute or funny pictures of babies are more than welcome. Here's one of my favorites.

Join My Team and Enter the FUN ZONE!

2007-05-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

I created this blog so that I people would have a place to express their wild and crazy side. I am inviting any one and everyone to join my team and be a part of the Fun Zone.

In this blog I am looking for funny stories, jokes, pictures, etc. Any thing you think is funny. Nothing too dirty of course. No nudity or obscene language, please. There's plenty of ways to have good clean fun. This is a place for you to express yourself and show your friends how funny you really are.

So please, if you would like to join my team, just email me and I will get you started right away. (Please put "Fun Blogger" in the subject line). Weezy333@yahoo.com

Thanks for entering the Fun Zone!
-For all things funny!